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The Mona Schreiber Prize for Humorous Fiction and Nonfiction

Why am I seeing this?

Because you know me personally, have been in touch via email or have entered the Mona Schreiber Prize for Humorous Fiction and Nonfiction before. (Editor's Note: Or know great content on Red Room when you see it.)

What the hell do you want from me, for the love of God?

An entry of 750 words, hopefully funny, in any form, double-spaced, in English.

Why should I even bother? I have a busy life, watching TV and eating barbecued pork rinds.

Because I will give you $500, $250 or $100 of my own hard-earned money.

Oh, suddenly I'm interested. Who is Mona?

Mona was my mother, a tremendous writer and instructor who inspired this contest, begun in 2000.

What are you? A mama's boy?

Yeah. You got a problem with that?

No, no. Just making an observation. How much is it to enter?

Five dollars per entry. A personal check is fine for US entrants. Others should send US currency or checks in US dollars.

Can I send an envelope filled with loose change?

I am not even going to dignify that question with an answer.

Who enters this contest?

Everyone. Professionals. Amateurs. Convicts. Nuns. Extraterrestrials. The first place winner in 2000 was a woman from Paraparaumu, New Zealand.

I have more annoying questions.

Lovely. Feel free to visit the Mona Schreiber Prize page at my website for complete rules and winning entries.

Any advice for entrants?

Yes. Uniqueness is encouraged. Weirdness is preferred.

Are you saying I'm weird?

I'm hoping you are.

Comments
4 Comment count
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Hey Brad!    Great to see you

Hey Brad!

   Great to see you make one of your exceedingly rare appearances in Red Room.  I feel compelled to take you up on your challenge.  To wax Biblical (and I do have a fair amount of Biblical wax at my disposal)......"Can anything good come from Burlingame?"   You betcha!

Stay tuned.

Eric

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The check is not in the mail

By the way,  I was wondering.  Why can't I wait until I win and then I can send you my five dollar entry fee?  Being the talented writer that I am, you're supposed to pay ME, anyway.  I think a contest entry fee is a Communist, Fascist, and/or Bolshevik plot amounting to nothing more than a tax on talent.  Does your mother know you're perpetrating this scam?

Did God charge Moses an entry fee when he submitted the Ten Commandments?  I don't THINK so!  In fact, as you recall, Moses was given the opportunity to  submit them TWICE.  (Something about them getting lost in the mail at Mt. Sinai, if I'm not mistaken). And it's probably safe to say that God is a better judge of talent than either you OR your mother.  (No offense, Mrs. Schreiber; I know you TRIED to raise your boy right).

 

 

 

 

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Checks? Mail without an E ?

Vaguely remember checks and putting letters in envelopes to be posted.  I think a thing called a 'stamp' was also required. I always wondered why they were called 'stamps' when you didn't stamp them on - they actually stuck on. But 'Stucks' would have sounded odd, I suppose.

"Could I have a five penny stuck please, to post my entry and check to the Mona Schreiber Prize for Humorous Fiction and Nonfiction?"

No. It just doesn't sound right.

"Complete the online entry form and pay with PayPal."

Sounds more like it!

 

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When I saw the handwriting on

When I saw the handwriting on the wall (no, not the contest entry in question) I bought a roll of "forever" stamps at Ye Olde local post office, with the understanding that I would never have to buy a stamp again.  Alas, to my surprise, the Mail Nazi behind the counter informed me that I still had to produce a stamp in order to qualify under the new rules.  So, regardless of what they tell you a roll of "forever" stamps only lasts until the roll runs out.  With this revelation, I'm at a loss as what they mean by "forever."  I supposed this is the postal "service" equivalent of Obamacare.  I am not amused.

 

Eric the Temporary